anxiety · blog · life · Mental Health · mental illness · panic attacks

Withdrawal

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I stupidly came off my medication without consulting my GP and it has caused one mighty storm.
I have never felt so wrong in my whole life, the withdrawal from Citalopram is worse than my anxiety all together.
I have had every single anxiety symptom imaginable; I am nauseous, dizzy, and exhausted as my sleep is being disturbed by vivid dreams/nightmares.
I can feel the bags under my eyes and there seems to be a tight band around my chest.
The weekend was painful to get through, I attended some social outings and I just wanted to be at home, in bed, safe.
The school run has become unbearable, I feel as soon as I walk through the school gate I have just dived under water and I am drowning in the sea of people, I feel relieved once I have my son and we walk out that gate.
And worse of all I have moments where I am so angry and so full of rage.

I find myself being very dramatic over small annoyances, the anger I am experiencing is on the upper scale of the emotion. My mind is searching for a cause of the anger, and is attaching it to anything it sees. I berate myself for being so out of character.
However thankfully I am aware of the difference between normal anger and that caused by withdrawal.

It is very overwhelming.

It is almost fascinating how one tiny little pill can have this huge impact on my life and affect on my body and mind.
This is exactly why I did not want to rely on medication in the first place.

Managing to get a doctors appointment seems nearly impossible, I ring on the day and guess what no appointments left. I have been phoning for three days now, I wanted to discuss with my doctor before I went back on medication but after failed attempts I have got the repeat prescription which I had to practically beg the receptionist for.
Why work in a healthcare environment, if you are not willing to help those who need it?

Am I ever going to get off these meds?

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