Life is full of hurdles, I should know I feel like I am always in a race and with myself mostly.
Anxiety is my biggest hurdle and I have not overcome this one… (yet???!!).
For so long I have feared I have never be good enough for anything or anyone, or thought I have actually looked like an incapable somewhat in front of everyone I know and meet. When in reality I am capable, despite my anxiety.
Because anxiety takes over me I will be stubborn and not let my emotions be shown and I will dumb myself down in front of colleagues and almost pretend I don’t know something instead of coming across as a know it all.
I sometimes don’t know who I am, I wear so many masks it is so exhausting and overwhelming, I honestly now do not know where I’d be or who’d I’d be without my anxiety. Should I accept this status? But what status is that?
I often wonder… do people see this too?
Well today I became a member of the AAT (Association of Accountancy Technicians) and I also enrolled on my first level of Accountancy, I am on my way of becoming a professional Accountant.
The impossible has become possible. I never thought I would ever achieve something so huge for me, and never believed someone would take that chance on me. Thanks to the company I work for they have wanted to support me through this. I am feeling so humble.
It really has proved that I shouldn’t care nor worry how others see me. For years and years I have cared too much of what others think of me, I shouldn’t really because it really isn’t my business and should only make it my business when people see the good in me.
I was stalling the idea with my employers due to my anxiety being a top pain in the backside recently but if I do not achieve this than the anxiety has won and it still won’t change the fact that I have anxiety. So today I made a decision and I made it happen.
That’s not to say it will be one hell of a challenge but isn’t that what life is about? It will be worth it and I will feel I am kicking anxiety in the backside after all.
So after a terrible stressful couple of weeks battling my demon of anxiety and panic attacks, I finally have some positive vibes again.So don’t let anxiety stop you achieving your dreams.