anxiety · blog · life · motherhood · parenting · workingmums

Stigma & Proud

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Being a mother (or a female altogether) comes along with stereotypes and judgmental eyes.

It is not just men who criticise women anymore, women are criticising women. When did this become OK?

Today I am going to speak of the ongoing battle of

Stay at home mothers/housewife’s vs working mums

I appreciate all mothers and know we are all busy, always on the go, and love our kids endlessly.  But I was angered when I saw this post today on Facebook…. 

“My wife does not work
My wife doesn’t work!!!
Conversation between a husband (H) and a psychologist (P):
Q: what do you do for a living Mr. Rogers?
H: I work as an accountant in a bank.
P: Your wife?
H: She doesn’t work. She’s a housewife.
Q: Who makes breakfast for your family?
H: My wife, because she doesn’t work
Q: What time does your wife wake?
H: She wakes up early because it has to be organised. She organizes the lunch for the children, ensures that they are well-dressed and combed, if they had breakfast, if they brush their teeth and take all their school supplies. She wakes with the baby and changes diapers and clothes. Breastfeeds and makes snacks as well.
Q: How do your children get to school?
H: My wife takes them to school, because she doesn’t work.
P: After taking their children to school, what does she do?
H: Usually takes a while to figure something out that she can do while she is out, so she doesn’t have to pack and unpack the carseat too many times, like drop off bills or to make a stop at the supermarket. Sometimes she forgets something and has to make the trip all over again, baby in tow. Once back home, she has to feed the baby lunch and breastfeed again, get the baby’s diaper changed and ready for a nap, sort the kitchen and then will take care of laundry and cleaning of the house. You know, because she doesn’t work.
P: In the evening, after returning home from the office, what are you doing?
H: Rest, of course. Well, I’m tired after working all day in the bank.
Q: What does your wife do at night?
H: She makes dinner, serves my children and I, washes the dishes, orders once more the house, makes sure the dog is put away as well as any left over dinner. After helping children with HW she gets them prepared to sleep in pajamas and the baby is in fresh diapers, gives warm milk, verifies they brush their teeth. Once in bed she wakes frequently to continue to breastfeed and possibly change a diaper if needed while we rest. Because she doesn’t have to get up for work.

-This is the daily routine of many women all over the world, it starts in the morning and continues until the wee hours of the night… This is called “doesn’t work”?!
Being a housewife has no diplomas, but has a key role in family life!
Enjoy and appreciate your wife, mother, grandma, aunt, sister, daughter… Because their sacrifice is priceless.
Somebody asked her…
You are a woman who works or is it just “housewife”??
She replied:
I work as a wife of the home, 24 hours a day..
I am a mother,
I am a woman,
I am a daughter,
I’m the alarm clock,
I’m the cook,
I’m the maid,
I am the master,
I’m the bartender,
I’m the babysitter,
I’m a nurse,
I am a manual worker,
I’m a security officer,
I’m the advisor,
I am the comforter,
I don’t have a vacation,
I don’t have a licence for disease.
I don’t have a day off
I work day and night,
I’m on duty all the time,
I do not receive salary and…
Even so, I often hear the phrase:
” but what do you do all day?”
Dedicated to all the women who give their lives for the welfare of their families
The woman is like salt:
Her presence is not remembered, but its absence makes everything left without flavor.”

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Sorry excuse my french… FUCK OFF!
First of all can I just say I was brought up by a hard working father and a housewife!

I do not mean to sound as if I work harder than stay at home mums, however in reality I am working full time and doing all the daily duties this particular person is complaining about yet I am not moaning about it.
It is also not a competition however I feel from the other party they are trying to make working mothers look bad because we have not sacrificed their careers.
What do they expect us to do when our children go to school everyday then?

Whilst I vent and rant about this subject, please note I do not intend to offend stay at home mothers but only to defend working mothers. I do not appreciate the way stay at home mothers complain and moan about their roles. Because I have the same roles, a job and I do not find myself complaining. I am actually really happy and so is my child.

I have been a stay at home mother when my son was younger however I have not once seen that role as a job or work?! And as for “I work as a wife of the home, 24 hours a day” What do you want a trophy love?
Let me explain that everything that is said in that wife’s daily routine is the same routine as mine (apart from the baby) between 4pm and 9pm, the rest of that time I am at work and my child is at school.

Lets look at some areas in this… 

“Enjoy and appreciate your wife, mother, grandma, aunt, sister, daughter… Because their sacrifice is priceless.”

Yes and so your should appreciate the women in your life, as well as the men, but because their sacrifice is priceless? Excuse me, so am I a bad mother because I haven’t sacrificed my career?! Isn’t it best my child is raised by a strong hard working mother other than one that complains of household and mother duties?

“I’m the bartender, – No your’e not, since when did being a mother meant you tended a bar to serve drinks to your child?
“I’m the babysitter – No you are not! You are a mother.
I’m a nurse, – No you are not you are a mother.
I’m a security officer, – No you are not you are a mother.
I’m the advisor, – No you are not you are a mother.
I am the comforter” – No you are not you are a mother.

I don’t have a vacation – Do you want a vacation from your kids then? Is that what this housewife is saying? All of my annual leave from work is used to spend time with my child during his school holidays and I love it! 

I don’t have a day off – Day off, try working all week then maybe you will appreciate days like weekends and spend time with your family rather than complaining about it.

I do not receive salary – Did nobody tell you that you didn’t get paid for being a Mother?! 
Absurd!! 

Dedicated to all the women who give their lives for the welfare of their families – What am I doing then? I work for my child, to give him the best upbringing and life he could possibly have! If I didn’t work he would still be at school, I am not missing out on time with him. He comes and visits my work with me, loves asking questions about the industry I work in and I believe it is really important. However even if you are a housewife/stay at home mum it is just as important, as long as we are all bringing up our kids with love. 

I am just fed up of seeing these women complain on my Facebook of how hard they have it, and for the record EVERYONE has to go to a supermarket to buy food, laundry, housework, pay bills and so on.

Lets look at this stereotype

They Don’t/Can’t Pay Enough Attention To Their Families

 

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This is the most prevalent and tired criticism that all working mothers face, despite it being so false. If men who work can still be great dads, then obviously same can be said for working mothers. Sure, working mums have to focus on their jobs during the day, but for me that’s only from 8.30am – 3pm, the hours which my child is at school and you can be damn sure that the rest of that time is 150 percent devoted to my family.

Why we are on the subject of men who are fathers, I read this article before…
“Lily Allen recently vented her fury after she was spotted leaving a Halloween party with Coldplay’s Chris Martin (just sharing a ride home) and of course the press had something to say about her and not him! Lily had said… 

“The way that they had sort of insinuated it was that ‘she’s a mother of two, abandoning her children…’ I’m in a car with a father of two and at no point has anyone alluded to him abandoning his children!”

Why are only mothers judged?

I shouldn’t have to defend myself as a working mum but feel I have to when I see shit like that on my Facebook news feed. I am not a perfect Mother, who is? We all have a moan from time to time, had the walls drawn on, and probably have actually cried over spilt milk but that has never depended on whether we worked or stayed at home.

Lets end this feud because we may different lives but we all love our kids the same.

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