Hello everyone, hope you have all had a great weekend.
So another weekend has zoomed and I just have to share something from my weekend, (and guess what its positive) it is how confident I have felt despite my crippling anxiety.
I haven’t done too much this weekend, I have enjoyed a lazy morning yesterday, a day of playing games with my son today and last night we went Ice Skating.
Yes, Ice Skating! Someone who has anxiety went Ice Skating, I know, I know, I even surprised myself!
I am always referring to my metaphorical mask and last night I had my confidence one on.
I went along with my partner, my son, my partner’s brother and his family. We all get on great and it is lovely for my son to see his cousins.
Considering I sometimes don’t even like people looking at me, I was skating around (like Bambi I should add) without a care in the world and I really, really enjoyed myself. I also should note that I didn’t fall over, however I was using a penguin to keep my balance (see pictures below).
Normally going out to a public place surrounded by lots of people can really aggravate my anxiety and make me quite paranoid but an Ice Skating Rink is something else, skating around, looking a fool, nearly falling over, grabbing the closest thing to you to keep yourself up even if it is someone you don’t know and you are willing to take them down with you. Usually a place like this I would be in my own personal hell but I felt so confidence, happy, full of laughter, my smile is my picture is actually genuine, and I just really needed to share it.
Anxiety really is a funny ole thing, last night it was as if I had never had anxiety yet this morning I went out for breakfast with my family and had a mild panic attack. It is just strange.
Sometimes I have waves of confidence and then feel unbearably shy. Sometimes I want to go off on an adventure, then other times I want to be alone and step out in the middle of the night and be alone sitting on a beach listening to the waves, on my own, in the darkness! Sometimes I don’t want to bear my soul to others and show whats behind the mask in case they talk about me behind my back and think I am an idiot.
None of that mattered last night and to some of you, you may be thinking ‘it was only Ice Skating’ but it meant much more to me because it was fun but also because of how I felt.
And one little panic attack I had this morning does not have any significance.
I should also add this was my son’s first time skating on ice and he completely nailed it, he was whizzing round the rink and had a beaming smile all evening. He is only 6. That was the cherry on top of a great evening.