This has taken me a few days to prepare as my brain is only what I can describe as frazzled!!! I am overstretched with buying a house, moving into temporary accommodation, studying, therapy sessions, general life and anxiety. I have started getting headaches more often and feel like I need to sleep for a few weeks to forget about everything.
Anyway first I will give my therapy update #5…
I kind of failed on my homework he gave me, that really isn’t unusual for me I never was up to date with homework at school but anyway he had asked me to be more vigilant. I explained it was difficult to be as I have so many thoughts going round my head and as I mentioned I am super stressed so it was hard to concentrate on my thoughts.
So we went over what we spoke about the previous week, when I had a random panic attack come on just sitting at my mums drinking tea and chatting.
Well I go to my mums every Monday and it happened again! My therapist if I had remembered the initial thought that may have caused it but I still couldn’t think of what the ‘thought’ was that brought on the attack, it happened to quickly.
The only think I could think of was that I was waiting for it maybe and related it to the previous week.
We did use the whole session to really try pin point the situation and the reason for such a random attack, he says panic attacks can come on rapidly and we are starting to believe that although I am starting to experience social anxiety more often it is more the panic I fear.
I am also beginning to relate a lot of things to panic attacks and dread the physical symptoms which is making me fear a lot.
The physical sensations and thoughts that come with the panic are keeping the fear alive and my safety behaviours are controlling and containing it.
He asked me if I liked or craved even being in control and I answered yes or at least I believe I do, he told me that the reality is we are rarely ever in control of things and there is very little we actually can control we just have a need to be in control. Having a panic attack makes us feel like we are not in control or out of control, so we are putting unnecessary stress on ourselves. Maybe he again see that I needed some reassurance.
My homework is to write down any thoughts I may have and be vigilant and curious again.
Next week we are going to discuss my beliefs and my childhood, I really don’t know how I feel about that.
So the other drama… well how does anyone survive buying a house?! My brain is on overdrive, I feel like an overworked computer that is just going on autopilot.
How do i uninstall anxiety?
I have no zest for anything at the moment it is exhausting.
Although I am officially half way through my AAT course, my next step is an exam and I desperately need to get me head down an revise. I really don’t know if this is possible at the moment all I do is stare at the pages because I cannot process any of it my mind is seriously FRAZZLED! Also I haven’t done an exam since I was 16 and I SUCKED at them, all revision goes out of the window and I develop some kind of brain freeze or writers block.
Why is buying a house so stressful and why do they make it so long winded and difficult on hard working people who deserve it. I actually cried today as it was getting too much, you think its all sorted then the broker contacts us and tells us we need to do this or send a copy of that. It doesn’t sound bad when I say it like that but if you really want me to go into the depths of it I will probably get all I rate and throw my computer out of the window.
Can any one give me advice on how to de-stress ASAP?