Last week I explained my brain was frazzled guess what it still is. Our mortgage broker is trying his best to get this house to go through, we have had so many curve balls to our dismay and it really is becoming a real test on my sanity!! We are hanging on to our last glimmer of hope but all this stress has knocked the excitement out of it all.
I had a whole week off work last week to move from my sweet little bungalow to a cold caravan (temporary I should add). So I return to work to a whole desk of catch up. I am really starting to feel the pressure now and feel I am on some kind of hell ride. I can feel myself sinking into depression.
But anyway my therapy update, not much to add without sounding negative I feel my therapist and I are going over the same stuff. I may just be impatient.
We did speak about my childhood and upbringing to try and find a trigger, but no surprise to me but no trigger really apart from having a slightly over protective mum and a highly stressed out dad. He asked me how I see the world to which my reply was dangerous.
We again spoke about the cycle of anxiety, I knew all this before CBT as I have researched anxiety but hey ho here is a print out he gave me…
He did notice I am quite negative and don’t believe anything good will happen to me. He referred to this as “magical thinking” – the more you think of something the more you believe it. I had explained I wasn’t getting my hopes up about the house as if I did and believed the good in it it would then fall through. He told me to work on convincing myself I would win the lottery as the chances are slim, considering I don’t even play it. It’s kind of a reverse psychology exercise. I also have to keep a panic diary.
However since Friday I’ve only had two panic attacks, one was quite extreme whilst the other was fairly mild, ironic! I’m supposed to be monitoring these attacks but I’m too stressed and more so than anxious.
Il see what he says to that. Until next time.
(Sorry if the post is sloppy, I’ve had to do this on my mobile seeing as my pc is tucked away in storage)