Well apologies for the delay in my therapy update, I have been offline for a couple of weeks to get my head together.
Also I am not having therapy for the next two weeks due to work demands, I only hoping to continue afterwards if my manager allows me to have the time off.
Anyway my latest update…
So last Friday I was preparing myself for my session, I had left work early and was driving along a long stretch of country road when I suddenly felt very ‘funny’ – hot, dizzy, lightheaded. I got into a panic and especially as I was driving at around 50-60mph I was very concerned of how these panic attacks are affecting my driving. I had been thinking, overthinking and had an ‘intrusive thought’ of what would happen if I passed out now.
However after I had arrived I felt fine… but I couldn’t help but wonder if I had pulled over or if in future I avoid certain roads, that would be a safety behaviour but this could cause some serious danger. Where is the line?
So my therapist again wanted to go over my thoughts, I stopped him there I didn’t want to go over the though process again because this time I had questions…
I told him about my panic attack whilst driving and that I felt it was over an intrusive thought, he told me previously intrusive thoughts were not facts and randomly pop into your head. So how I am supposed to monitor my thoughts when sometimes they are just intrusive and at random?
Also I mentioned I felt we were concentrating on one area of thoughts too much, I am starting to feel educated now and I have come to the realisation that I am never going to stop thinking nor am I ever going to stop worrying. It’s natural. What I need to know is how to manage the panic attack and make it sod off, I need to know how to reassure myself.
He told me I was obviously taking the sessions in as I was using the correct terminology of anxiety, that’s great but I wasn’t after brownie points.
He asked me to create my own panic ladder the bottom being the most mild and the top being the most severe. This is my homework for the next couple of weeks.
He then gave me a print out of all the unhelpful thinking us humans do, whether we have anxiety or not we are all guilty of at least one right?
I am guilty of jumping to conclusions and catastrophising and some others occasionally.
I told him I always see the negative before I see the positive.
He told me humans through evolution are hardwired to go to negativity rather than positivity, it is like when we have a string of good luck, we always say “this won’t last long”.
Still I would like to be more positive.
Anyway again I feel there is not much advice I can give as feel my therapist and I are going over a lot of the same stuff.